DOWNSIZING

What does it mean to downsize? In Jerry’s and my case it means to leave our beautiful, memory filled four bedroom home of the last thirty- five years and move to a two bedroom , two bath apartment in the city of Falls Church where we will be near two of our five children and their amazing families. This has been for us a home of weddings, births of grandchildren, entertaining extended family and friends, being active in our community, and participating in our parish church.

Church is very important to us and for the first few years after moving here we tried various local parishes never quite feeling like we had found our new spiritual home. We even checked in with the diocesan office to see what geographically they were recommending be our parish church. This turned out to be a very conservative church which was okay but not very inspiring. Finally one of our neighbors asked if we had visited St. John Neumann in Reston. We felt instantly at home. This is a church which practices and truly lives up to the concept: ” All are welcome.” We will miss St. John Neumann when we move. We are grateful for the services and activities we have participated in, for the friends we have made. We appreciate the assurance of one of our parish priests who promises he will find his way to Falls Church to maintain our friendship.

Our present house is only a five minute drive from International Country Club which we have belonged to for the last thirty-five years and where we have spent many happy and sometimes frustrating hours honing our golf skills. Golf is a sport that both Jerry and I enjoy and we are fortunate that as we approach our nineties we are still able to play. We only play nine holes at a time now but do play two to three times a week. When we move to Falls Church we will give up our club membership and play at a very convenient public course-Jefferson Park . In an unusual twist Jefferson Park was the original International Country Club. In the late 1960’s Fairfax County bought the Falls Church International Country Club from its members in exchange for the Fairfax County land the present club resides on plus a considerable sum of money. It was a very good deal for the club and for Fairfax County. Jefferson Park which is a well used public course is only a short drive from our new apartment home.

These past few weeks have been full of emotional happenings. We will be moving into our new abode – back to apartment living – on May 10. When we were first married we lived in an apartment in Arlington, Virginia. It allowed me to continue my job as a public health nurse for Arlington County. I loved my job but when I got pregnant and had some days in those first three months when I really wasn’t feeling well, Jerry suggested I step back from work and we move to Maryland. He was working at the Patent Office during the day and going to Catholic University’s law school four nights a week. Living in Maryland, in the Bethesda area, would be much more convenient for him as he juggled work and night law school. And so when our lease was up we found the perfect apartment in Bethesda. Part of the charm of this location was that my brother Pete and his wife Louise were in an apartment building right across the street from where we settled. It was so much fun having them close by.

Our first born, Jerry – named after his father – was born in the Bethesda apartment. When that lease was up we bought our first home, a small three bedroom rambler, in Kensington, Maryland . In the next four years this home was the birthplace of Maura, Joe , Jim and Meg. It was a wonderful house but as the children got bigger, the house got smaller. We started looking for a bigger home and when Meg was about two we bought a new and bigger home in Upper Marlboro, Maryland. It was the home from where the children attended grade school, high school and college.

And then we moved to Virginia to our present home where as I said in starting this blog , we have lived for the past thirty -five . years. It was much more convenient to Jerry’s office. It will be hard to leave this house of such powerful memories but as we approach our nineties, it is time. We are excited to be in Falls Church where two of our married children live . We will be walking distance to the library, to the Community Center, and the Senior Center which offer a number of activities, to a lovely park, to a very fun Farmers’ Market, to some yummy restaurants. And the list goes on.

As we prepare for the big move, Jerry and I like reflecting on the words of an unknown sage, ” You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

A POWERFUL WOMAN

My mother, Fran, August 31, 1978 – her 75th birthday

Frequently when I hear Kamala Harris referred to as a powerful woman – district attorney, attorney general , vice president, and now candidate for president of these United States, my thoughts turn to the powerful women in my own life. My mother Frances McAllister McCloskey leads the parade.

Fran, and her identical twin sister Marg, were born August 31, 1903 in Ithica, New York. Their brother Don was born a year earlier. These were happy/sad years because when the children were very young their mother died. With the passsge of time grandfather remarried. From my childhood I remember their stepmother Nana as caring but intimidating.

The twins were very good students and actually graduated from high school at fifteen. Because of their age they waited a year before starting college. During that period they wrote a weekly column for the Ithica newspaper. They chose to attend Cornell and ( a touching fact )- the dorm room they were assigned had been their mother’s when she was a student at Cornell in 1893.

When World War 1 broke out, grandfather, who was a lawyer, lost his biggest client , the Leigh Valley Railroad when it was taken over by the federal government. That coincided with a partnership offer from a New York City law firm which grandfather accepted. He and Nana moved to New York city.

The twins wanted to be with their parents in New York and so after two years they switched to Barnard College of Columbia University. Talking to me about that decision in later years, mom felt it was a good deciasion -they were very happy at Barnard and made good friends.

It has always surprised me that my kind, caring grandfather did not support the twins decision to go on to law school after graduation from Barnard. He certainly knew that they had the ability to do well in law school but he could not bring himself to support their decision. The twins got jobs and paid for their own law school. Mom was a trust officer for Guarantee Trust. They attended Fordham Law School at night where mom met my father, a fellow student. Fordham had a day law school in addition to the night school. My mother graduated first in their class. Her grades were so good that they even surpassed those of the day students so that she was first for both the day and night law schools. My father liked to say that while mom may have won the prize for first in the class he won the real prize because he won my mother.

Google has many definations of a strong woman. The Google defination that most resonates with me in referencing my mother has nothing to do with her physical size – she was little more than five feet tall – but rather her strong sense of self, her compassaion and her concern for others. My brothers and I always had a positive cheerleader in our mother. She felt we could achieve any goals we set our hearts on.

In reflection I think the early years of my parent’s marriage must have been very tough. They lost their first and fifth babies soon after birth to health conditions that today would not have had such dire consequences.

In the late 1930’s once they were settled in Laurelton, Long Island and they strove to develop their own law practice, my father never gave up his teaching job. He liked teaching and as the country was recovering from a major depression, he liked the financial security of his teaching. That meant that any needs of their incipient law practice that arose during the hours my father was teaching had to be handled by my mother. As we got older my brothers and I were entrusted with answering the phone, ” Mc Closkey and McCloskey Attorneys and Counselors of Law”.

I am amazed by my mother’s abiliity to balance motherhood and with my father, develop a legal practice. Because the 1930’s post depression era led to such tight financial times for the country, it really was not until I was starting high school that my parents were on sound financial footing. I knew that landmark had been reached when Great Aunt Mary who had paid for my brothers to attend a private high school offered to do the same for me and my father said “no thank you” he would pay my expenses at the private girls’ high school. At that time the local public high school did not have a good academic record.

I believe that my mother would have been a strong Kamila Harris fan. I felt that way about Hillary Clinton’s candidacy and I feel even more strongly mom’s probable positive reaction to Kamila Harris.

Checking Google for the definition of a powerful woman I find many quotes that I feel reference my mother, a woman of strong faith in God and in herself. I like the words of Oprah Winfrey “life is about finding yourself, embracing your strengths and weaknesses, and in being true to who you are.”

THANKSGIVING and CHRISTMAS

Growing up I always cherished both Thanksgiving and Christmas. and I still feel that way today. Both the spiritual aspects and the just plain fun special times resonate with me. When Jerry and I were young parents we divided these holiday times between Jerry’s parents who lived not too far from us in DC and my New York/ New Jersey family. We got together with both my father’s family and my mother’s family – not necessarily together but at some time over the holidays. My mother’s twin sister had two children – a son, Jimmy, the age of my brother Pete and a daughter, Fran, just a little older than my brother Bud. It was particularly special to spend time with them.

Mom and Aunt Marg graduated from Barnard College of Columbia University. They attended Cornell for two years but made the decision to transfer to Barnard when their attorney father’s biggest client, the Leigh Valley railroad, was taken over by the federal government durning World War l. At that time grandfather was offered a partnership with a New York law firm – which he accepted. He and Nana relocated to New York City – to an apartment on 96th street right off Madison Avenue. I loved visiting there as a child.

We spent time with Jerry’s parents and then we headed to Long Island to visit my parents for these special holidays. There were also visits to my father’s family in New Jersey and then our New York City family: grandparents, great aunts, aunts and uncles and cousins.

When our daughter Meg was born and we now had five children in under six years, these New York/New Jersey visits became productions, sometimes a bit overwhelming. But soon my father retired from teaching and my parents stepped back from their law practice. At this time my Jesuit brother, Bud, was teaching at Gonzaga High School; my brother Pete and his wife and their children were living in Virginia. Jerry and I and the children lived in Upper Marlboro, Maryland, a suburb of DC. Mom and Pop decided to head to the DC area and they found a house in our community and they settled there. It was so much fun and so helpful to have them close by.

Though Thanksgiving and Christmas honor two very different events I have always looked upon them as celebrating the uniqueness of our family. Once my parents moved close by we celebrated these occasions with them and with Pete and Louise and their children. And these occasions were made even more special when our priestly brother, Bud, was able to celebrate a home mass. We loved these home masses. There was a peace and an intimacy and a sharing that made them very special. When Bud died seven plus years ago and we returned to crowded church celebrations, we finally realized how spoiled we were by his meaningful home masses. We have been experimenting with different ways to recapture that specialness that the home masses provided.

This past Thanksgiving we were twenty four in number – a smallish number for us. Three precious granddaughters were either studying or working in Europe. And Emily and David were with his family in Indiana. And Charlie was in Chicago. Of recent years we have always had three tables at family dinners: one for the “older” adults, another for the young adults and one for the children. Well we no longer have need of a children’s table. Poised and competent Atar at sixteen is the youngest grandchild. When Atar offered to team with me in preparing for Thanksgiving dinner, I knew the children’s table had to go. We set up the young adult table for twelve in the living room and the “older” adults occupied the dining room. Atar and I put together a menu and sent it to all family members who would be joining us on Thanksgiving Day, inviting them to sign up for any dish on the menu that intrigued them. Atar signed up for the turkey. She had been reading up on turkey preparation and wanted to give it a try. It was a yummy success.

On Thanksgiving Day, at the”older” adult table we went around the table and asked each person to share what they were especially thankful for. We laid out the ground rule that we knew we were each blessed in family so please don’t focus on family. We made no attempt to enforce that ground rule. Well good thing because just about everyone mentioned family but then they moved on and expanded their thanks. It was actually very special and the sharing promoted a warmth that was truly a blessing.

And now we are focusing on Christmas. Last weekend we were in New York for four days. staying with my cousin Liane and Ron but spending some very happy time with our son Jerry and Teresa at the Cousin Party which they hosted and at the NYC production of Hadestown where Jerry and Teresa, Jeremy and Amy, and Jerry and I were transported to a fictional world in the best tradition of Broadway. And I must not leave out the Metropolitan Museum where we saw the Degas/Manet exhibit. These were four wonderful action packed days. The trips to New York at the start of the Christmas season have become a very special tradition.

Today we went to HOLIDAY POPS at the Kennedy Center with Jim, Lisa, Jimmy, Meggie and Josh. It was all that you could ask for in a Christmas Holiday show. It starred the National Symphony Orchestra and Broadway star Norm Lewis and his amazing voice. It was uplifting and stirring. It was a wonderful focus on the meaning of Christmas. Tomorrow the Thanksgiving decorations get completely put away and more Christmas decorations will make their appearance. Now it’s late and I am headed to bed.