JANUARY 2026 REFLECTIONS

An Uncle Bud Christmas mass 2008

We took down our Christmas decorations about two weeks ago. They provide such happy memories that I am never in a rush to get them put away till next year. The little angel in the pink cloth dress that was the first Christmas decoration that Jerry and I purchased together, is looking a little dilapidated after 65 years of being paid special attention to at Christmas time. The little angel will always deserve its specialness.

We learned this year that downsizing includes downsizing your Christmas collection. Coming from a rather big house where we had some form of decoration for each room it quickly became obvious that we couldn’t display all our decorations. But that was not an easy decision when the majority of our decorations had ties to our children, our grandchildred and friends. We ended up with three large decoration filled trays and a basket that were artfully displayed around the apartment. Our smallish tree sat on a table by the living room window and it beautifully displayed some ornaments – but it could not showcase too many.

We have had two special nativity scenes down through the years. When first married we purchased a creche scene with about ten figures. We loved it and had no problem when the children wanted to play with the manger scene – after all the creche represented what Christmas was all about. Our reasoning was appropriate but unrealistic if we wanted the manger to survive the play of five small children. In the late 70’s my mother gifted us with a new manger scene. By that time the old creche was a bit battered and most of the figures had been decapitated. The children were now young teens and pre teens who honored the new creche and what it stood for – there were no more decapitations. This is the creche we lovingly still use today. Some of my most favorite Christmas memories are intertwined with the putting up of Christmas decorations and the taking down and reflection on the meaning of Christmas. When Santa belief holds sway it is easy to focus on “what am I going to get for Christmas”. That phase is lots of fun but the spiritual aspects have so much more meaning.

When Bud was ordained and able to spend Christmas with us he would say Mass. I have always found the Christmas celebrations at church to be very special but a Christmas home Mass led by my priestly brother was an amazing gift. For these masses the core group was our family, Pete and Louise and their girls, and our parents. Sometimes we were joined by extended family and friends.

And now it is mid January and that special time of prayer and anticipation and reflection has come to a close. We are excited for the New Year and what it offers. And with our large family, January is a another packed full birthdays month. A time when we honor Uncle Jim Murphy, Annie, Brendan, Brian, Jerry, Pete, Khushi, Charlie, Moira Eisele and John Connelly.

As a child I remember being glad my birthday wasn’t in January – like my brother Pete. I thought that sometimes he got “Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday” gifts. I took a pledge that when I was married and having babies I would never have a January baby. Well our first child was a January baby, but I don’t think Jerry ever felt his big day was short changed. It was such a gift when he was born.

We don’t know what the New Year will bring but we are excited to find out. I find so much meaning in these words of C.S. Lewis : You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

CHRISTMAS TIME 2024

A picture of my brother Bud. We miss him!!!

Have always loved this season of the year – both the religious aspects and the Santa Clause influen

The religious aspects were dominant in my home in my growing years . My mother was a firm believer in special Advent prayers to honor the birth of Jesus and that religious belief helped to put the right focus on this special holy/holiday time. We shared Christmas dinner with either my father’s family or my mother’s. My parents strove to make the religious aspects of Christmas dominant.

As the youngest in the fanily I was the last to lose my belief in Santa Clause. My parents used to take us to Gertz Department store in Jamaica, Long Island, for our annual visit with Santa. I remember my final visit – guess I was around ten years of age and my Santa belief was a little shaky but I wanted to go. Since my brothers were telling me that Santa was just a nice story but not real – they were not allowed into the store’s North Pole village . They stood behind the fence surrounding the village. And when it became time for me to sit on Santa’s lap my brothers moved to a spot behind the fence where they could hear my conversation with Santa. When he asked me what I wanted for Christmas they started calling out things they wanted. I got an attack of the giggles. Santa was very kind but it was my last childhood visit with him. My Santa belief was gone.

In my student nurse days at Cornell I remember well the first Christmas that I had to work in the hospital. I so loved this time of yeaI could not imagine missing my family celebration. Well, much to my surprise, it turned out to be a very special celebration. It was a gift to care for those who were hospitalized – especially those who had no one to visit with them.

For many of our married years my brother Pete and his wife Louise and Jerry and I joined together to celebrate this special time. We took turns traveling to Long Island. It was a blessing when my parents in their retirement years moved to Maryland to be nearer to us and to Pete and Louise. And since Jerry was an only child we were always blessed in being able to share the holidays with his parents.

When he returned from his missionary years in Chile, my priestly brother Bud, also known as Uncle Bud or Father Joe, resumed his place as an important part of our family lives. Whether he was teaching at Gonzaga High School or running a retreat house in Virginia he always found time for his family. A special gift from Bud was the many home masses that he said for us. I particularly found his Christmas masses very powerful. When our family and Pete and Louise’s family and our parents all gathered together for a Christmas home mass I ceased to wonder if we were doing an effective job of focusing on the true meaning of Christmas. As I said in a previous blog, in 2022, Bud holds a special place in all our lives. We miss him.

Our children – our five and Pete and Lou’s four – have always been close – which is very special. We kept up the tradition to gather for Christmas with them for many years. Sometimes – with a little parental help – the children would put on a Nativity pageant which added the right emphasis for our gatherings. When we no longer had a child young enough to represent Baby Jesus the gatherings morphed into Christmas sing-a-longs. These were such happy gatherings but as the children got older, our sing-a-long participants increased to forty plus attendees. But when Covid struck we had to bring the sing-a-longs to a close.

This year we are hosting two special gatherings at our home. We will have about twenty seven of our nuclear family for Christmas dinner. It might sound like an intimidating number but everyone pitches in. Atar has sent out the signup sheet for what folks want to bring for dinner and the sheet is filling up nicely. Three days later we are hosting a party honoring the marriage of Amy and Jeremy. We are very blessed and we know it.

THANKSGIVING and CHRISTMAS

Growing up I always cherished both Thanksgiving and Christmas. and I still feel that way today. Both the spiritual aspects and the just plain fun special times resonate with me. When Jerry and I were young parents we divided these holiday times between Jerry’s parents who lived not too far from us in DC and my New York/ New Jersey family. We got together with both my father’s family and my mother’s family – not necessarily together but at some time over the holidays. My mother’s twin sister had two children – a son, Jimmy, the age of my brother Pete and a daughter, Fran, just a little older than my brother Bud. It was particularly special to spend time with them.

Mom and Aunt Marg graduated from Barnard College of Columbia University. They attended Cornell for two years but made the decision to transfer to Barnard when their attorney father’s biggest client, the Leigh Valley railroad, was taken over by the federal government durning World War l. At that time grandfather was offered a partnership with a New York law firm – which he accepted. He and Nana relocated to New York City – to an apartment on 96th street right off Madison Avenue. I loved visiting there as a child.

We spent time with Jerry’s parents and then we headed to Long Island to visit my parents for these special holidays. There were also visits to my father’s family in New Jersey and then our New York City family: grandparents, great aunts, aunts and uncles and cousins.

When our daughter Meg was born and we now had five children in under six years, these New York/New Jersey visits became productions, sometimes a bit overwhelming. But soon my father retired from teaching and my parents stepped back from their law practice. At this time my Jesuit brother, Bud, was teaching at Gonzaga High School; my brother Pete and his wife and their children were living in Virginia. Jerry and I and the children lived in Upper Marlboro, Maryland, a suburb of DC. Mom and Pop decided to head to the DC area and they found a house in our community and they settled there. It was so much fun and so helpful to have them close by.

Though Thanksgiving and Christmas honor two very different events I have always looked upon them as celebrating the uniqueness of our family. Once my parents moved close by we celebrated these occasions with them and with Pete and Louise and their children. And these occasions were made even more special when our priestly brother, Bud, was able to celebrate a home mass. We loved these home masses. There was a peace and an intimacy and a sharing that made them very special. When Bud died seven plus years ago and we returned to crowded church celebrations, we finally realized how spoiled we were by his meaningful home masses. We have been experimenting with different ways to recapture that specialness that the home masses provided.

This past Thanksgiving we were twenty four in number – a smallish number for us. Three precious granddaughters were either studying or working in Europe. And Emily and David were with his family in Indiana. And Charlie was in Chicago. Of recent years we have always had three tables at family dinners: one for the “older” adults, another for the young adults and one for the children. Well we no longer have need of a children’s table. Poised and competent Atar at sixteen is the youngest grandchild. When Atar offered to team with me in preparing for Thanksgiving dinner, I knew the children’s table had to go. We set up the young adult table for twelve in the living room and the “older” adults occupied the dining room. Atar and I put together a menu and sent it to all family members who would be joining us on Thanksgiving Day, inviting them to sign up for any dish on the menu that intrigued them. Atar signed up for the turkey. She had been reading up on turkey preparation and wanted to give it a try. It was a yummy success.

On Thanksgiving Day, at the”older” adult table we went around the table and asked each person to share what they were especially thankful for. We laid out the ground rule that we knew we were each blessed in family so please don’t focus on family. We made no attempt to enforce that ground rule. Well good thing because just about everyone mentioned family but then they moved on and expanded their thanks. It was actually very special and the sharing promoted a warmth that was truly a blessing.

And now we are focusing on Christmas. Last weekend we were in New York for four days. staying with my cousin Liane and Ron but spending some very happy time with our son Jerry and Teresa at the Cousin Party which they hosted and at the NYC production of Hadestown where Jerry and Teresa, Jeremy and Amy, and Jerry and I were transported to a fictional world in the best tradition of Broadway. And I must not leave out the Metropolitan Museum where we saw the Degas/Manet exhibit. These were four wonderful action packed days. The trips to New York at the start of the Christmas season have become a very special tradition.

Today we went to HOLIDAY POPS at the Kennedy Center with Jim, Lisa, Jimmy, Meggie and Josh. It was all that you could ask for in a Christmas Holiday show. It starred the National Symphony Orchestra and Broadway star Norm Lewis and his amazing voice. It was uplifting and stirring. It was a wonderful focus on the meaning of Christmas. Tomorrow the Thanksgiving decorations get completely put away and more Christmas decorations will make their appearance. Now it’s late and I am headed to bed.