January is a time for New Years resolutions that help you to forward focus. As Jerry and I are getting older the desire to use my time in a meaningful way is very powerful. When I was younger I sometimes devoted too much time thinking of the talents I did not have. Getting older has helped me to realize what a waste it is to focus on the do not haves. It is a time to honestly assess your talents and abilities and to use them.

The talent that I would most like to have had is a musical ability. Hard to say when I first realized this lack. My parents were not musical nor were my brothers. When we were small we used to perform for company. And since the company – family or friends of my parents – always applauded enthusiastically that did not give us the reality check we needed for our musical abilities.

Great Aunt Mary thought we should have piano lessons and she offered to pay for them. I don’t think my brothers were interested but I was. My parents accepted Aunt Mary’s gift and off I went once a week to the lessons which were given by one of the nuns from the parochial school my brothers and I attended. I am not sure why but I became very enamored of the works of Stephen Foster. My favorite was “Oh ! Susanna”. I thought I played it well. As I reflect back now on my non-musical skills I shudder to think how I sounded.

Going from grade school to high school was perhaps not the big deal for me that it should have been, because within the week of finishing my grade school years I became a high school freshman. I have often talked about being in the last class of students who started their school experience in February. That was true for me in kindergarten, grade school, high school and college. Finally New York State closed down February admissions. Those who were in the February class kept that rotation but there were no more February beginning students. The small parochial school that I attended did not even have a graduation for the February graduates. You were expected to return in June to share a joint graduation with the June class. I told my friend Gracie who was in that June class that I would not be at the grade school graduation. It seemed silly to me to go back. I was already in High School. The teachers knew that Gracie and I were good friends and when I was not responding to graduation information they asked her what was up and she shared my thoughts. Gracie was told that I had to come because I was getting an award. When my parents heard that, a decision was made to attend the graduation.

It was hard not having the summer to adjust to new stages in my educational life. Having only a few days break between the various stages made the adjustment a little more complicated. Fortunately in college there was mandatory summer school at the end of that first semester which meant that by the time September rolled around I was officially a college sophmore. That year I completed the sixty credits needed for admission to the BSN program at Cornell and I was well on my way to the nursing career that I loved.

In the last summer of my high school years some college friends of my brother Pete were having a beach party. When Pete accepted the invite he was informed that the invitation also was extended to his sister. I was pretty excited. I had never been to a beach party. Pete who was familiar with this kind of gathering told me there would be a beach fire with food and lots of singing. Since by this time I was quite realistic about my musical skills I suddenly was not so sure about going to the party which was about two weeks off. Pete suggested that in the interim we listen to the radio program ” Your Hit Parade” and master the opening lines to some of the songs that would surely be sung at the party. Well we did exactly as Pete proposed and I still remember to this day how much fun the party was. Knowing the opening lines to various songs was key. I sang very softly so my off keyness would not be obvious and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Though I accepted my lack of musicality I used to pray that if God wanted to perform a pretty dramatic miracle He could make me musical. Well that did not happen but He did me one better. God gave me a musical husband and wonderfully musical children and grandchildren. I am truly blessed.

I find this quote from Victor Hugo very powerful: Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.