JANUARY MUSINGS

January is a time for New Years resolutions that help you to forward focus. As Jerry and I are getting older the desire to use my time in a meaningful way is very powerful. When I was younger I sometimes devoted too much time thinking of the talents I did not have. Getting older has helped me to realize what a waste it is to focus on the do not haves. It is a time to honestly assess your talents and abilities and to use them.

The talent that I would most like to have had is a musical ability. Hard to say when I first realized this lack. My parents were not musical nor were my brothers. When we were small we used to perform for company. And since the company – family or friends of my parents – always applauded enthusiastically that did not give us the reality check we needed for our musical abilities.

Great Aunt Mary thought we should have piano lessons and she offered to pay for them. I don’t think my brothers were interested but I was. My parents accepted Aunt Mary’s gift and off I went once a week to the lessons which were given by one of the nuns from the parochial school my brothers and I attended. I am not sure why but I became very enamored of the works of Stephen Foster. My favorite was “Oh ! Susanna”. I thought I played it well. As I reflect back now on my non-musical skills I shudder to think how I sounded.

Going from grade school to high school was perhaps not the big deal for me that it should have been, because within the week of finishing my grade school years I became a high school freshman. I have often talked about being in the last class of students who started their school experience in February. That was true for me in kindergarten, grade school, high school and college. Finally New York State closed down February admissions. Those who were in the February class kept that rotation but there were no more February beginning students. The small parochial school that I attended did not even have a graduation for the February graduates. You were expected to return in June to share a joint graduation with the June class. I told my friend Gracie who was in that June class that I would not be at the grade school graduation. It seemed silly to me to go back. I was already in High School. The teachers knew that Gracie and I were good friends and when I was not responding to graduation information they asked her what was up and she shared my thoughts. Gracie was told that I had to come because I was getting an award. When my parents heard that, a decision was made to attend the graduation.

It was hard not having the summer to adjust to new stages in my educational life. Having only a few days break between the various stages made the adjustment a little more complicated. Fortunately in college there was mandatory summer school at the end of that first semester which meant that by the time September rolled around I was officially a college sophmore. That year I completed the sixty credits needed for admission to the BSN program at Cornell and I was well on my way to the nursing career that I loved.

In the last summer of my high school years some college friends of my brother Pete were having a beach party. When Pete accepted the invite he was informed that the invitation also was extended to his sister. I was pretty excited. I had never been to a beach party. Pete who was familiar with this kind of gathering told me there would be a beach fire with food and lots of singing. Since by this time I was quite realistic about my musical skills I suddenly was not so sure about going to the party which was about two weeks off. Pete suggested that in the interim we listen to the radio program ” Your Hit Parade” and master the opening lines to some of the songs that would surely be sung at the party. Well we did exactly as Pete proposed and I still remember to this day how much fun the party was. Knowing the opening lines to various songs was key. I sang very softly so my off keyness would not be obvious and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Though I accepted my lack of musicality I used to pray that if God wanted to perform a pretty dramatic miracle He could make me musical. Well that did not happen but He did me one better. God gave me a musical husband and wonderfully musical children and grandchildren. I am truly blessed.

I find this quote from Victor Hugo very powerful: Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

CHRISTMAS TIME 2024

A picture of my brother Bud. We miss him!!!

Have always loved this season of the year – both the religious aspects and the Santa Clause influen

The religious aspects were dominant in my home in my growing years . My mother was a firm believer in special Advent prayers to honor the birth of Jesus and that religious belief helped to put the right focus on this special holy/holiday time. We shared Christmas dinner with either my father’s family or my mother’s. My parents strove to make the religious aspects of Christmas dominant.

As the youngest in the fanily I was the last to lose my belief in Santa Clause. My parents used to take us to Gertz Department store in Jamaica, Long Island, for our annual visit with Santa. I remember my final visit – guess I was around ten years of age and my Santa belief was a little shaky but I wanted to go. Since my brothers were telling me that Santa was just a nice story but not real – they were not allowed into the store’s North Pole village . They stood behind the fence surrounding the village. And when it became time for me to sit on Santa’s lap my brothers moved to a spot behind the fence where they could hear my conversation with Santa. When he asked me what I wanted for Christmas they started calling out things they wanted. I got an attack of the giggles. Santa was very kind but it was my last childhood visit with him. My Santa belief was gone.

In my student nurse days at Cornell I remember well the first Christmas that I had to work in the hospital. I so loved this time of yeaI could not imagine missing my family celebration. Well, much to my surprise, it turned out to be a very special celebration. It was a gift to care for those who were hospitalized – especially those who had no one to visit with them.

For many of our married years my brother Pete and his wife Louise and Jerry and I joined together to celebrate this special time. We took turns traveling to Long Island. It was a blessing when my parents in their retirement years moved to Maryland to be nearer to us and to Pete and Louise. And since Jerry was an only child we were always blessed in being able to share the holidays with his parents.

When he returned from his missionary years in Chile, my priestly brother Bud, also known as Uncle Bud or Father Joe, resumed his place as an important part of our family lives. Whether he was teaching at Gonzaga High School or running a retreat house in Virginia he always found time for his family. A special gift from Bud was the many home masses that he said for us. I particularly found his Christmas masses very powerful. When our family and Pete and Louise’s family and our parents all gathered together for a Christmas home mass I ceased to wonder if we were doing an effective job of focusing on the true meaning of Christmas. As I said in a previous blog, in 2022, Bud holds a special place in all our lives. We miss him.

Our children – our five and Pete and Lou’s four – have always been close – which is very special. We kept up the tradition to gather for Christmas with them for many years. Sometimes – with a little parental help – the children would put on a Nativity pageant which added the right emphasis for our gatherings. When we no longer had a child young enough to represent Baby Jesus the gatherings morphed into Christmas sing-a-longs. These were such happy gatherings but as the children got older, our sing-a-long participants increased to forty plus attendees. But when Covid struck we had to bring the sing-a-longs to a close.

This year we are hosting two special gatherings at our home. We will have about twenty seven of our nuclear family for Christmas dinner. It might sound like an intimidating number but everyone pitches in. Atar has sent out the signup sheet for what folks want to bring for dinner and the sheet is filling up nicely. Three days later we are hosting a party honoring the marriage of Amy and Jeremy. We are very blessed and we know it.

ELECTION TIME

This is such a beautiful time of year and a scary time with the Election tomorrow. I had not planned to have my November blog focus on the election but it is just so important to focus on the political scene. Last Thursday I was very energized in reading a New York Tmes article by Nicholas Kristof on the differences between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump. My takeaway was that she is not perfect – but then none of us is. She is bright, politically experienced and truly cares about our wonderful country and wants to be a leader for all. Donald Trump is focused on himself.

I think there were some evil political spirits hiding inside my computer. My brand new computer started acting erraticly. I was determined to share the Kristof article but the evil spirits did their best to stop me. If I pressed an “a” a “q” showed up. If I pressed an “e” it was replaced by a “c”. Various unwanted symbols also put in an appearance. The worse it got made me even more determined to share Kristof ‘s election thoughts with beloved family members. And so off it went – not to everyone because the computer’s ailments wore me down but at least to the grandchildren and hopefully all nineteen but no guarantees because of my computer malfunction.

( Computer malfunction was cured when the next day I took the computer to the Genius Bar at Apple and they found that the tech who set up the new computer had left out one important step – that step was completed and the computer is working fine now,)

Have had some great discussions with different family members about the United States involvement in Gaza and Lebanon . I don’t feel that I have done a good enough job of explaining how I could possibly back the Democratic ticket when I am not supportative of our country’s supplying weapons to Israel. I am personally horrified by the carnage in Gaza but feel that if Trump wins the election the situation will get even worse!

In 1956 I voted for the first time. I was a nursing student at Cornell and so excited that I was finally able to vote. When my absentee ballot arrived in the mail I could barely contain my excitement. I checked the date it had to be returned by, and my class schedule, and then planned my first voting experience for a few days later when I could devote enough time to this long anticipated civic duty. I am a political junkie.

Jerry and I voted at the Fairfax Government Center last week. There was only about a twenty five minute wait. We decided to vote early not knowing what Tuesday would bring. The two times Barack Obama ran we voted at our local school. The wait was about 3- 4 hours but the time passed quickly. There was such a feeling of fellowship among all those waiting in line. We live in a pretty blue district. We all felt so privileged to be helping to elect such an amazing candidate. And I feel that way today about Kamala Harris.

If you haven’t already PLEASE VOTE!!!

MY GOLF ADDICTION

International Country Club

Don’t know how old I was – maybe 6 or 7 – when I first learned that the strange brown bag in our home basement which housed somethings called golf clubs actually belonged to my Mom and Dad. Golf was a foreign language to me so I was amazed when I found out it was a sport that my parents had occasionally indulged in during their dating years. To the best of my knowledge my parents never golfed again once they married and had children. I think the reason was, in those post depression years of the 1930’s, a combination of the time involved, the cost, and parenting a young family.

Fast forward thirty plus years to when Jerry and I were starting our family. Birthing five children in six and three quarter years did not leave much opportunity for a time consuming sport like golf. As the children moved beyond the baby stage Jerry would occasionally play with friends and sometimes I would too. But for me it was the fun of doing an outside activity with my husband rather than any attraction I felt for golf. Golf courses are usually in settings which show case the beauty of nature. Little did I realize that the seeds of my golf addiction were starting to take root.

Now fast forward to the 1980’s – we were empty nesters – except when the children were home from college. Our five children all started and completed undergraduate school in the decade of the 80’s. I branched out a little in my golf, not only playing with Jerry but also joining a women’s group at our local golf club. It was strictly a social activity for me – I wanted to play with Jerry and I wanted to play with friends. The fact that I shot in the 70’s and 80’s for nine holes didn’t bother me a bit. It was a delightful social time and also I don’t think I realized how bad my golf scores really were.

Now fast forward again -this time to the 1990’s. We had moved to Century Oak , a new community being built in Fairfax, in Northern Virginia. Somewhere in this time period I began to start caring about my golf scores and just my game in general. We joined a near by country club, International CC. And I joined their 18 hole Ladies Group. And I took golf lessons. And my game improved. The scores I used to have for 9 holes of golf were now the scores I wanted when playing 18 holes. I have never quite reached that goal, my best for 18, so far, being 102 on a challenging course like International.

Now in our late 80’s we basically play two times per week and sometimes three, and we specialize in 9 hole golf. A bit of arthritis dictates the amount of golf we can play. It is a special treat when we play today with our children and/or our grandchildren. And there are so many happy memories of golfing with my brothers Bud and Pete, and with dear old friends and with my precious goddaughter, Margaret.

Most golf courses show off the beauty of nature and ours is no exception. So even if your golf game is misbehaving it is so enjoyable to just soak in the beauty of the course. In these political times I can well relate to the words of Billy Graham about golf: “A golf course is an island of peace in a world often full of confusion and turmoil.”

REPRINTING MY REFLECTIONS WRITTEN THREE YEARS AGO ON THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF 9-11

A day etched vividly in my memory

So much has happened in these last twenty years – a mix of happiness, sadness and pure joy. In June of 2001 our youngest daughter, Meg, was married. It was a beautiful wedding that reflected the caring and the specialness of Meg and her husband Brendan. In the summer weeks that followed we often reflected on the happiness of this occasion. And then came September 11.

Jerry and I had been in Massachusetts for the funeral of a dear cousin. As we were approaching New Jersey on the return drive we decided to stop and visit our Aunt Bette , a truly amazing woman. In her upper 90’s Aunt Bette was still full of the spark and enthusiasm that had made her a very successful art teacher and then art supervisor in the public schools. It was such a fun visit that when she asked us to spend the night we happily said “yes.” Next morning we were sitting at breakfast with Aunt Bette when the woman who was her daytime companion and helper arrived for work. She asked if we had heard of the plane crash into the World Trade Center some place in Europe, she was not sure exactly where. Jerry and I looked at one another – we did not know of any World Trade Center in Europe. Our thoughts were of the World Trade Center in New York City where our son Jerry’s law firm had its offices. With Aunt Bette’s permission we turned on her TV. We were quickly horrified to learn that this terrorist attack was taking place in New York City. Two buildings collapsed – one was the building housing our son’s offices. It was now after nine o’clock and we knew that our son when possible got to work early. We were frightened. For the next several hours we tried reaching Jerry on his cell phone. We called our four other children. Everyone was worried about Jerry but relieved to hear from us. Since the decision to spend the night with Aunt Bette had been a last minute decision our family expected that we would be back in Virginia and they were concerned when we didn’t answer our home phone. In talking with the children we learned about the attack on the Pentagon. These were hours of prayer for the safety of our son and for all those effected by the terrors that were unfolding. And they were hours of fear of the unknown.

As so often happens with prayer when our prayers were first answered it was not in the way we expected. Around noon we got the inspiration to check the answering machine on our home phone. There was a message from our son Jerry. After hours of no cell phone service because of overuse he was finally able to make calls. He told us that he was in Jersey City. He had been able to catch a very overcrowded ferry from lower Manhattan. A friend called him when the ferry docked and they set up a meeting place in a local restaurant. The friend was going to take him to his home. But we finally got through to Jerry on his cell and made plans to meet up with him and take him back to his family in Brooklyn. This turned out to be a bit complicated because a number of roads were closed but we finally made it back to Brooklyn and united Jerry with his family. Though this took several hours it was an unmitigated joy to feast our eyes on this precious son we had feared lost.

After their wedding Meg and Brendan who had met in their jobs as Jesuit Volunteers in Portland, Oregon returned to their work in Portland. On September 12th Meg and a friend went for a long walk after work. They finally decided they were too ambitious in their exercise plans and they had better call Brendan for a ride home. They stepped into a convenience store while waiting for Brendan. Meg spotted the local newspaper, THE OREGONIAN and was taken aback to see a featured article about the plane crashes into the World Trade Center that started off ” Jerry and Peggy have five children………” The article then went on to talk about our family and in particular about our son Jerry whose office was in one of the downed World Trade Center buildings. The author of the article was a sports writer, Chuck, who also was a dear and special friend of our son, Jerry. They had met at the University of Virginia and to this day are still close friends. Meg was so touched on reading the article to learn that Chuck when he wrote the article did not know that Jerry was ok.

Though Jerry was usually to work early, September 11, 2001 was such a beautiful day in New York, Jerry decided to walk his children to their near by grade school and then to go on and vote in the New York City primary. So often in life we make simple decisions that have powerful consequences. This certainly was one of those times!!! On September 12, 2001 Jerry wrote a reflection on his past 24 hours. It is powerfully and beautifully written. He posts it every year. We must never forget what transpired on September 11. Jerry’s post is a powerful tool to make sure we do not forget.

A POWERFUL WOMAN

My mother, Fran, August 31, 1978 – her 75th birthday

Frequently when I hear Kamala Harris referred to as a powerful woman – district attorney, attorney general , vice president, and now candidate for president of these United States, my thoughts turn to the powerful women in my own life. My mother Frances McAllister McCloskey leads the parade.

Fran, and her identical twin sister Marg, were born August 31, 1903 in Ithica, New York. Their brother Don was born a year earlier. These were happy/sad years because when the children were very young their mother died. With the passsge of time grandfather remarried. From my childhood I remember their stepmother Nana as caring but intimidating.

The twins were very good students and actually graduated from high school at fifteen. Because of their age they waited a year before starting college. During that period they wrote a weekly column for the Ithica newspaper. They chose to attend Cornell and ( a touching fact )- the dorm room they were assigned had been their mother’s when she was a student at Cornell in 1893.

When World War 1 broke out, grandfather, who was a lawyer, lost his biggest client , the Leigh Valley Railroad when it was taken over by the federal government. That coincided with a partnership offer from a New York City law firm which grandfather accepted. He and Nana moved to New York city.

The twins wanted to be with their parents in New York and so after two years they switched to Barnard College of Columbia University. Talking to me about that decision in later years, mom felt it was a good deciasion -they were very happy at Barnard and made good friends.

It has always surprised me that my kind, caring grandfather did not support the twins decision to go on to law school after graduation from Barnard. He certainly knew that they had the ability to do well in law school but he could not bring himself to support their decision. The twins got jobs and paid for their own law school. Mom was a trust officer for Guarantee Trust. They attended Fordham Law School at night where mom met my father, a fellow student. Fordham had a day law school in addition to the night school. My mother graduated first in their class. Her grades were so good that they even surpassed those of the day students so that she was first for both the day and night law schools. My father liked to say that while mom may have won the prize for first in the class he won the real prize because he won my mother.

Google has many definations of a strong woman. The Google defination that most resonates with me in referencing my mother has nothing to do with her physical size – she was little more than five feet tall – but rather her strong sense of self, her compassaion and her concern for others. My brothers and I always had a positive cheerleader in our mother. She felt we could achieve any goals we set our hearts on.

In reflection I think the early years of my parent’s marriage must have been very tough. They lost their first and fifth babies soon after birth to health conditions that today would not have had such dire consequences.

In the late 1930’s once they were settled in Laurelton, Long Island and they strove to develop their own law practice, my father never gave up his teaching job. He liked teaching and as the country was recovering from a major depression, he liked the financial security of his teaching. That meant that any needs of their incipient law practice that arose during the hours my father was teaching had to be handled by my mother. As we got older my brothers and I were entrusted with answering the phone, ” Mc Closkey and McCloskey Attorneys and Counselors of Law”.

I am amazed by my mother’s abiliity to balance motherhood and with my father, develop a legal practice. Because the 1930’s post depression era led to such tight financial times for the country, it really was not until I was starting high school that my parents were on sound financial footing. I knew that landmark had been reached when Great Aunt Mary who had paid for my brothers to attend a private high school offered to do the same for me and my father said “no thank you” he would pay my expenses at the private girls’ high school. At that time the local public high school did not have a good academic record.

I believe that my mother would have been a strong Kamila Harris fan. I felt that way about Hillary Clinton’s candidacy and I feel even more strongly mom’s probable positive reaction to Kamila Harris.

Checking Google for the definition of a powerful woman I find many quotes that I feel reference my mother, a woman of strong faith in God and in herself. I like the words of Oprah Winfrey “life is about finding yourself, embracing your strengths and weaknesses, and in being true to who you are.”

FAMILY BEACH TIME

To illustrate the passage of time – above is from August 5, 2013

Growing up on Long Island the ocean beach was pretty accessible. Before we had a car, the Rockaway beaches were just a short train ride away. In the years when we didn’t have a car the 10ish minute walk to the Long Island train passed quickly as did the train ride itself which depending on which of the Rockaway beaches we were heading to, was at the most a half hour train ride away. Though I must confess that as a child I thought a half hour train ride was too far from the ocean I loved.

A very special Long island beach was Jones Beach. From where we lived that was only easily accessible by car. And when our family car was up and running that was such a fun place to go.

When Jerry and I were first married we lived in an apartment in Arlington, Virginia – a couple of hours from the Virginia and or Maryland/ Delaware beaches where we liked to spend beach time. A several hours trip to the beach gave me new insight into how fortunate my brothers and I were as kids to live relatively close to such good ocean beaches

Jerry loves the beach as much as I do. When Jerry and I got engaged, it was in a park on the way to the beach. This particular outing was to be beach time with my priestly brother, Bud ( also known as Father Joe and with the passage of time, beloved Uncle Bud) . I was so excited to share with Bud the news of our engagement. And it was equally exciting when we called my parents to give them the news. At first we told them that we wanted to be married in perhaps June of 1961. Then we called them back and changed the date to February 1961 . That date didn’t last long. We soon settled on November of 1960 which was eight months after we first met. When we called my parents to make the change to November 1960 my father confessed his relief that we were dropping the February time. He had checked the almanac and for February 4, 1961 Long Island was forecasted to be inundated by a major snow storm. And that indeed was the case. Where my parents still lived on Long island, where the November wedding actually took place, was hit by a blizzard.

And now with our five grown children married with families of their own we have a tradition of family beach week. For about ten years from the 1970’s to the mid 1980’s we shared ownership of a condo at Sea Colony in Bethany Beach , Delaware with Pete and Louise and their daughters. My mother and her sister and husband also owned a condo in the same complex. We all spent a lot of time at Sea Colony, both in and out of the typical beach season. And the whole family loved it. But after my mother died; and after a drainage pipe was installed at Sea Colony that extended out into the ocean that changed the contour of the ocean floor to the extent that conditions were no longer amazing for wave riding; and with five children who were either in college or soon to start, we decided it was time to sell our place at Sea Colony. That didn’t stop us from going to the ocean – we just didn’t go as often. School and job commitments made that too difficult. And children growing up and pursuing their various life directions affected their availability.

And now as we plan our family beach week, our children’s work schedules, our grandchildren’s schedules and the ocean tide charts all must be taken into consideration. If everyone can come we would have 31. This year we had 26. Even though everyone can not come every year, our gatherings are a total blessing.

The beach is a spiritual experience for me. Normally I seldom miss a once a week church service. It is very important for my inner peace. I don’t feel that way at the ocean. I am moved, comforted and challenged by the ocean – its beauty, its sounds, its bird life, the antics of the dolphins, the inner peace it gives me even on its wildest days.

The only problem with beach week is that it goes by too quickly. Because this year we were there in the beginning of summer, we ended our incredible week with a celebration of Jim’s birthday. We all gathered to serenade him and to eat an amazing peach cobbler – made by Jim . And then Lisa asked the birthday questions. It was a perfect ending to our special week.

Talent night is a unique feature of our gatherings. There is no pressure to perform and not everyone does. But it is so, so special. This year we were treated to the musical talents of the two Jerrys, of Jim, of Quinn and Lane, of Liam, of Lilly. And Alec playing his guitar and singing a song he had written : A Challenge – Face It. Love the inspiration of these words – they are a powerful message to end this blog

And now – July 1, 2024 – as the saying goes ” time flies”

RAINY DAYS

May was a very rainy month. I started this blog on May 18 – another very rainy day. The weekend before we spent a long weekend at Jerry and Teresa’s Ocean Grove, New Jersey beach home. We were there with Maura and Paul and Lilly; Meg, Atar and Liam; Jeremy, Amy and Mirinda. It was a special treat to honor Jeremy’s 29th birthday. And though the rain was a factor it was not a negative. Nature offers many faces and as long as she does not overdo the bad weather days I tend to enjoy them all.

We were back to Ocean Grove two weeks later, Memorial Day weekend, for another wonderful visit. This time Jim, Lisa, Meggie and Josh and Khushi and Vaishnavi added to our numbers. And again the rain put in an appearance . It was special to have Liam and Brian – just back from Ireland – join us. Liam is a star player on the Down Syndrome Sports of America soccer team. And Brian is a valuable member of the coaching staff. They had an amazing week in Ireland playing against and training with that country’s team. And though they didn’t win, ( pardon my Grandmotherly bragging ) Liam played with distinction and was even written up in the Irish press.

The house my brothers and I grew up in Laurelton had a porch on its front. It was not that big but it was big enough to play there on good or bad weather days. I can only think of one other house on the street that had a porch and because my parents were very welcoming, ours was a popular bad weather hangout. When the weather was right the porch was also a comfortable place to sit and read and talk.

Rain is capable of being both a positive and a negative. I love the color intensity of nature’s green after a much needed rain, Flowers, plants, grass that had started to lose their vibrancy rebound with vigor after such a rain. The negative only comes when the rain is excessive. Is there a life lesson in that – it is possible to have too much of a good thing – like a yummy desert?

Last summer I planted some flower seeds in the front of our house, in the garden area that houses a cherry tree and a variety of complimentary shrubs. Well the seed went wild treating us to an interesting array of summer and fall flowers. We liked it so much that this year we bought some more, but different seeds. When I was about to spread the seed I realized that there were a variety of different sprouts breaking through the ground. Instead I spread the seed in a mix of patio planters in the backyard and waited to see what the front yard growth would yield. All I can say is “wow”. Right now the larkspur plants are the show stoppers. They are mostly blue/purple, mixed with a few pink and white. There are more plants getting ready to flaunt their beauty and we are excited to see their yield.

Rain has always made me feel very reflective. It can easily interfere with the plans of the day but so often when that happens, how the day turns out is frequently better than what was originally scheduled. Heading to Ocean Grove for Memorial Day Weekend we were all very realistic that the trip home might be a car traveler’s nightmare. Work and school made traveling that day for us mandatory. Well there was rain on Memorial Day, but not all day. We had good beach time and refreshing walks on the boardwalk. We occasionally got a little rain wet but not that bad. The drive home had some spots of traffic but nothing like what we expected. When we hit Virginia the roads were comparatively empty. It was a little eerie. We were back by about six pm- usually a heavy traffic time – we were not complaining – just grateful.

This trip yielded more reflection on rainy days. I love the quote from Dolly Parton: “The way I see it , if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain”.

A PS to this blog. About ten days ago I had Mohs surgery on my face for skin cancer. This is a procedure I have undergone several times before but not to the extent of this time. The scar extends from just to the side of my right eye down to my lips. Big, ugly pressure bandage to be worn for 48 hours. Daily care for the wound was simple. Instructions were that in about a month there would be aesthetic improvement at the scar site. During pressure bandage time I mostly hibernated at home. But when the dressing was removed I wanted to get out and about. Except for a slight overdose of pride on my part caused by the unpleasant looking scar, I felt good. We had Khushi’s college graduation to celebrate and Liam’s 20th birthday. Liam and Brian and Atar and Meg had come from Pennsylvania to honor Khushi and because Liam wanted a celebration with his cousins to kick off his birthday festival.

When I left hibernation I experienced three basic reactions and variations on these reactions. A close friend hugged me on greeting but then the whole time we talked she focused on the side of my face that didn’t have the ugly scar. Then there were those who talked to me a lot – without looking at my face. And then there was Liam who looking at me squarely in the face said “Grandma does it hurt?” When I said “yes, but it is getting better” , he replied “that’s good” and except for occasionally checking in on how I was doing, our visit time proceeded as usual. Many reactions have been a variation of Liam’s reaction. But a fair number have fit into the first two categories. I personally am most comfortable with the Liam type reaction.

The Cherry Blossom & Other Spring Happenings

On April 7 ten family members ran in the Washington DC Cherry Blossom run . The night before the race the Constance Family hosted a pasta dinner gathering. And the next day, after the race, the Leibolds hosted a celebratory brunch. Both events were very special and brought back many happy memories. This race and the Marine Corps Marathon and track and cross country have quite a tradition in our family.

My brother Bud ran his first marathon at age 60 and my husband Jerry has been a triathlete. From North Carolina to New Jersey Jerry competed in some diverse triathlons. It was always exciting to be there cheering him on. It is no surprise that our five children like to run and the same can be said for our grandchildren – in varying degrees. We have some pretty good runners in the family.

Growing up on 224th Street in Laurelton, Long Island there were lots of children to play with. Aside from the usual kids games of hide and seek, tag, stickball, roller skating, etc., the layout of the street was very conducive to running races which eventually morphed into running around the block. Or you could go half way around the block and cut through the vacant lot behind our house into our backyard and reach the finish line that way. I did pretty well in the running races- both the full race and the half way around race. It was only in my very early teen years when I was starting to develop an interest in boys that I also started to question the value of winning these races. Some of the boys were not very fast.

The all girls high school that I attended did not offer track as an extra curricular activity. And in my four semesters at Marymount College in New York City before moving on to Cornell University’s BS Nursing program, I only had time for one extra curricular activity and I chose the Collegiate Council for the United Nations. But I never lost my love of running or my respect for the importance of exercise.

The month of April was birthday time for our firstborn daughter Maura and for me. When I was pregnant with Maura it was back in the day when you did not find out the sex of the baby till their actual birth. I was hoping for a girl since our first child was a boy – appropriately named after his father. When Maura was born I was beside myself with happiness that we now had a son and a daughter . She was fifteen months younger than her brother Jerry who was just starting to show an interest in walking. Of our five children three did not walk alone till they were eighteen months. The other two were walking at about a year.

At first I wanted our baby number two to be born on my birthday but when Maura came ten days earlier I was alright with that. Birthdays are very special and each person in a nuclear family deserves their own time of celebration.

When we had our five children in just a little under six years we became very focused on making each individual birthday celebration special. Starting when the children were of an age where their birthdays had special meaning for them, each child had a family party, a friend party and dinner out by themselves with Mom and Dad. And we introduced the birthday questions. To this day we still do the birthday questions and we have a family party.

This year Meg, Atar, and Liam came from Pennsylvania for my birthday celebration. Their gift was to prepare the birthday meals for my celebration. I was given two yummy birthday dinners. The first completely prepared by Atar featured a yummy shrimp and broccoli combination that was from a New York Times recipe. The second was a ratatouille and beet salad prepared by Meg. Dessert was an amazing carrot cake (my favorite) made from scratch by Atar. And there were chocolate chip cookies which Liam has become quite the expert at putting together. And there was amazing raisin bread made from scratch by Atar.

Being able to celebrate with the Mac Curtins, the Jim Fergusons, and the Constance Family was a total blessing. And the blessing was magnified by texts and phone calls from far away family and friends. And following our family tradition I was asked the birthday questions. Perhaps the greatest benefit of these questions is the family love that prompts them and the focus they put on what each of us values in life.

The birthday questions: What is the best thing that happened to you in the past year? What are you most looking forward to in the coming year? What do you want to be when you grow up? What is your spirit animal? The spirit animal question was probably added in the last ten years and that has been a fun addition. Maybe one day I will blog on my answers to these questions.

My birthday festival was nicely brought to a close by a Tuesday night dinner at the Cafe Renaissance with my brother Pete and his wife Louise. This has become a favorite for us, half way between both our homes.

With nineteen grandchildren sometimes we have a fair number of graduations falling at about the same time but this year there has only been one – Khushi graduating from Mary Washington College. We are very proud of her. She has headed up COAR – a student run service program. Khushi received special recognition from the university for her outstanding leadership of this organization.

Today has been a misty , rainy day. I was able to get a little gardening in, in between the rain drops. Am looking forward to the flowers I hope will be the result of today’s endeavors. A quote that resonates with me is one I recently read by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “The Earth laughs in flowers”.