Which road should Jerry and I follow? Is it time for us to downsize? When I was younger I thought that youth was the time of major decision making. When you got older you just coasted along on your past good or maybe not so good decisions. Having now arrived at the “golden age” I realize that thoughtful decision making is just as important – at any age.
Our present home has been our wedding house. In our sixty -two and a half years of married life we have owned three homes. This house where we live now we have lived in for the past 33 + years. It has hosted the wedding excitement of our five children. It is where we were living when all of our nineteen grandchildren were born. So many happy memories. We love being able to house our out of town families when they come to visit. And it has been a blessing to have our two local families live in the city of Falls Church – a short 20 to 25 minutes away. We have very caring neighbors. We have a wonderful church community. We have a golf club five minutes away with a challenging and beautiful course that we thoroughly enjoy playing. Every three weeks we have an excellent cleaning crew who help us keep the house in order. And we have competent help with lawn care and house repairs. With this good support system we have put in place, it would seem like we should be able to continue life in our present home.
Jerry and I are in reasonably good health but we fully appreciate that could change with the blink of an eye. Recently we lost a dear friend, Jack. He was in the hospital following orthopedic cancer surgery. When we talked with his wife the day before he died, she was so relieved he was doing so well – there was even talk of his being discharged. And then the next day he died.
Our home does not have any bedrooms on the first floor. There are 14 steps to the second floor. Architecturally speaking these stairs do not lend themselves to having a lift installed. Right now we manage the stairs fine – but that could change. And in this age of creativity perhaps there now has been developed a lift that would work. There is a first floor bathroom, a den, and a living room that could easily be converted to a bedroom, though I hate the thought of tampering with the house. It is truly my dream house as it is.
The backyard and patio are ideal. Lots of privacy. There are woods on two sides. When I reached my eighties I gave up on being creative with the garden. I now give my plant energy to patio plants though I have an ongoing battle with the deer. This year I would say that so far the deer are winning. When I was recovering from pneumonia in the spring I think my head was a little fuzzy and in setting up the patio container planters, I mixed in some deer favorites with the reliable plants that I knew the deer avoided. One evening I admired the patio plants before going to bed. The next day the plants that were deer favorites were gone – devoured I can only assume by the deer. I was bummed.
We have four bird feeders – two for all birds – and we get a lot of action at those feeders – and two just for the hummingbirds. One of the hummingbird feeders attaches to a family room window. I was aware of the hummingbird window feeders for years but could not imagine they actually worked. Wow was I wrong! This feeder gets many hummingbird visitors. You can get very close but you must stay perfectly still if you want to watch the hummingbirds as they devour the drink in their feeders. Hummingbirds are very sensitive to any sign of movement. All the birds are a source of continuous beauty and pleasure.
Should Jerry and I move to a continuing care community? It is a tough decision. It is a decision I pray about daily. We are very independent. But if we are not the oldest couple in our community we certainly are one of the oldest. Our very active church does serve folks of all ages. I wonder about the parishioners who are our contemporaries. Are they living independently or living in senior communities, or living with their children or have caretakers. When I signed up earlier this year to be a lector at morning mass I was afraid I would faint from nervousness but I have gotten over my fear and I love doing it. At our golf club we are definitely the oldest active golfers. But we positively hold our own. It very special to share this sport that we love with our family.
So what should we do? I spoke today with a friend in Florida who in the past year moved with her husband to a continuing care community following a bad fall. It has worked out very well for them but she wishes they had done some preliminary research before it became a must move situation. And we do not want our children to have to be making the decisions that we should have made.
There is a quote on aging by Betty Friedan that resonates with me : “Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” I like to think that she is right. It is just that you do not know how long the strength part will be with you.
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